And I kept the windows open,
Unwisely and desperately,
attempting to replace your sighs
with the dull noise of my car as it pulled through the air of
the sweating Appalachian night.
The sound muted as I stopped for one of those cold drinks made of
stuff that has the same consistency
as almost melted snow.
And then,
just like I knew I would,
I spent the last folded five dollars in my pocket
remaining from a Christmas gift
on one of those outdated calling cards they still carry
because love is the same
as only choosing among the things you need the most.
And after we hung up I slept and in the morning,
I awoke suddenly, and was greeted by only more of you:
I remembered the decomposing payphone
I recalled how I stood there,
embarrassed of the silence that existed,
where I imagined only songlike sentences could be.
An aging gasoline station attendant watched me speak to you
peering at me with the eyes on his balding head.
I was kicking pebbles onto the Georgia interstate,
and toying with the daisy patches of my denim shorts,
desperately listening for words you never said.
I was pleading for you, I wanted you to only gently
try and untangle your tongue and not be afraid.
because love is the same
as believing it can only come from the person who is on the other line.
And then I resigned to coming back,
even in your silence, I thought I knew it was what you wanted.
I left with my hair still wet and cold.
I daydreamed as it dried.
My hands tried not to burn themselves
on the steering wheel of my car.
It was humid and the sun
lit the flower infested fields I drove beside
Its warm pressed uncomfortably close to the sadness
that lingered from when we spoke the night before,
and forced me to smile and wonder about world and its light.
It was then that I looked instinctively
to the empty passenger seat for your eyes to share this with.
Like the tiny cocoons of butterflies that I can still picture from grade school
I knew then I would give you time to emerge,
I will patiently wait,
for the fear we all have to dissolve.
because love is the same
as being terrified and enthralled at once.