I was the fat guy at the Wal-Mart last Saturday at 2PM. I wore the Notre Dame football jersey, so just maybe you did not think I was fat—maybe you thought I was buff, and if you thought the latter then I was only joking about the former. I had a runny nose. It was just a plain old runny nose. That horrible sniffing was not because of a drug habit, it was just runny—very runny, so don’t be turned off by my perfectly normal runny nose. I also want you to know, I was not buying condoms. I know I was standing there by the condoms when I saw you, but that was purely coincidental.
I don’t even know what condoms are For. Looking hopefully into your eyes while standing next to the rack of rubbers—not my style, unless you like that. You don’t know me so don’t judge me Miss "wears a name tag."
I was just standing there, sucking in my buffness and sniffing a normal kind of sniff, hardly aware of where I was standing.
And while we’re on the subject, looking into the carts of others is a violation of sorts, though I understand perfectly that you wanted to get to know me better. I don’t blame you—mother told me I was handsome.
And yes, I saw you looking.
I could tell instantly that you were attracted to me. It was in the way you asked me if you could “help me find anything.”